In 2020, 10 interstellar teams were formed, The Solar Sentinels on Mercury, The Venusian Butt Pirates on Venus, The Dedham Marauders and London Buccaneers on Earth, the Martian Abducters on mars, The Jovian Conquerors on Jupiter, the Saturn Ring Giants on Saturn, the Uranus Anal Probers on Uranus!, the Neptune Neptunians on Neptune and the Pluto Purple Sox on Pluto! They formed a new league of "Interstellar baseball Teams" in 2020 that competed planet to Planet rather than city to city... The Solar Sentinels, who played on the Planet Mercury. They were a speedy, basehit oriented, small ball type team with insanely patient bats, who at first seemed like little leaguers, but later on turned out to be so good at walking, stealing bases and not striking out, that they made Cy young winners all look like Daisuke matsuzaka in the walks department... But enough about them... They aren't 185 time champions like my Conquerors!!!!
9 other teams formed besides them, the Venusian Buttpirates, 2 teams on the only safe areas of earth, the Dedham Marauders from the smelly shithole that is Dedham, MA, and the London Buccaneers, their arch rival from merry old England, and the Martian Abducters, a shitty team everyone forgets about... that makes up the Inner Solar System Division...
In the Outer solar system division, the Jovian Conquerors, a Team playing on Ganymede, a Moon of Jupiter were formed in 2018, to be a team that utterly dwarfed the New York Yankees of the OLD Steroid ERA MLB by 1000 times, a team that would more than quadruple their 27 World Series Record on Jupiter 25 years later. There were also the Saturn Ring Giants, The Uranus Anal Probers of Uranus (!), the Neptune Neptunians, and the Pluto Purple Sox. This team of ours has won the interstellar world series in years 2020,2021,2022,2025,2027,2029,2030,2031,2033,2034,2035,2036,2038,2039,2040,2041,2042,2043,
2045,2046,2047,2048,2049,2050,2053,2054,2055,2056,2060,2061,2062,2063,2064,2065,2066,2067,
2068,2069,2070,2071,2072,2074,2075,2076,2077,2078,2079,2078,2079,2080,2081,2085,2087,2088,
2089,2091,2092,2093,2094,2095,2096,2097,2098,2099,2100,2101,2102,2103,2104,2107,2108,2109,
2110,2111,2112,2113,2114,2115,2116,2117,2118,2119,2120,2122,2123,2124,2125,2126,2128,2130,
2132,2133,2134,2135,2136,2138,2140,2141,2142,2143,2144,2145,2146,2147,2148,2149,2150,2151,
2152,2153,2154,2155,2156,2157,2158,2159,2161,2162,2164,2165,2166,2168,2169,2170,2171,2172,
2172,2173,2175,2176,2177,2178,2179,2180,2181,2182,2183,2184,2185,2186,2187,2188,2190,2191,
2192,2193,2194,2197,2199,2201,2202,2203,2205,2207,2208,2209,2210,2212,2213,2214,2215,2216,
2217,2219,2220,2221,2222,2223,2224,2225,2226,2228,2229,2230,2231,2232,2234,2235,2236,2237
2238,2239 and 2240 That's 185 Interstellar world series titles!!!!!
You see, the conquerers, are cybernetic mutations who are superhuman, so hitting 150+ HR's per season is very possible... Our pitching makes Cy Young look like Hideki Irabu!!! We have the best pitcher in baseball history in our hall of fame, the immortal Bob Sciba! In his 80 year career, Bob Sciba never once allowed a run to an opposing team and has 92 "Cy Young Awards" which we call Sciba awards now.... He has never lost a world series game. He has thrown over 430 no hitters in Interstellar World Series's, more than half of those are perfect games! Can the Yankees top that? NOPE!
Joining him in the Interstellar Baseball League Hall of fame, is the great baseball pitcher that is BUGS BUNNY, a 24 time Cy Young winner, Ex Dedham Marauders Ace Zach Adams, an almost perfect starter in the post season and the regular season. In a stretch from 2026 to 2046 he never finished the season with more than a 2 ERA, and averaged 13 strikeouts per 9 innings, and had a lovely WHIP of 0.l0, and won 24 straight world series games!!!!
Next comes our "Bruiser", a meanie starter named "Pinky Rudebitch". His speciality, throwing at batters and not blowing the inning!!! Really! In 28 innings in his first season he hit 118 batters but gave up no runs, whatsoever!!! An Amazing talent!!! He always starts by "Beaning" the bases loaded, even if it means our rivals get moved out on stretchers! He then proceeds to strike out the side, something he does 80% of the time!!!! With these 3 starters, we have dominated the league for over 50 years! Can the Yankees say they did that... NOPE!
We have accumulated some insane Offensive and defensive stats for our dynasties from 2020 to 2244 that we are proud to admit, will never be broken.... Our best hitter in history, utterly Ultra-dwarfs every single earth HOF.... Our 2 best hitters are Rick and Sam Michealson, both insane power
hitters who in a span of 224 years racked up 35,178 Home Runs Combined!!! Rick hit more, with
20,614 Career Home Runs, and his brother was not much worse, hitting 14,564 in his career!!! That averages around 92 and 65 per season, respectively!!! Another Great Hitter, harry Svenson hit
a huge 14,738 career home runs, averaging 65 per year. Another great hitter, John Thompson hit 12,267 HR in his career, averaging out to 54 per year... But most of our hitters hit between 3000-5000 career Homers... Our park is a great home run hitting park.... It has a 250 foot left field wall, a 280 foot center field wall, and a tiny 120 foot right field wall..... Almost every hit is a homer where we play..... This massive home run barrage has earned us the nicknames, "The Conks Bombers" or "the Conks"...
We have some incredible pitching career numbers as well... Our ace, Bob Sciba, has won 2017 career games and has lost none.... His career era is 0.208!!! Pinky Rudebitch also has 13845 career Hit by pitches, a ILB record!!!!!, a 1684-179 record and a nifty 2.1 ERA.... he is a true ace despite hitting
so many batters!!!! That averages to around 7 hit per game!!!
We have 4 arch rivals, the first is that shithole team from Dedham, MA, Earth which thinks they can compete with us.... But they ended up playing us quite hard from the 2020's to the 2050's and won 28 interstellar world series victories, more than the shithole Yankees!!!! But that's chump change compared to our 185 world series titles!!!!!
Our regular seasons have always been spectacular!!!! 10 Times in the span between 2020 and 2244 we finished the season undefeated, averaging 37 wins per season in those 224 years and only 7 losses! In this span of 224 years of greatness, we have only lost the division 68 times, winning division a whopping 156 times, 69% of the time!!!! In the 224 years of our insane dynasty, we won
185 interstellar World Series Titles, we Won 82% of the time!!!!! Only 39 times did we loose the World Series!!! We have never ONCE failed to make the interstellar World series!!! ONCE!!!!
(The Best Pitcher In ILB/MLB History!!! : Bob Anderson Scibania, Bob Sciba for Short!)
But back to the conquerors, which is what this was really about. In 2025 I Bought the franchise from struggling owner Mike Martin, on Ganymede. I made my money as a male prostitute for 30 years and got over a billion dollars doing this.... So I bought the franchise, and rejuvenated it in a 220 year long span to win 185 interstellar championships over that span... In 2025 the franchise won their 4'th world series in 5 years and from there on we would go on a role to win a ton in 220 years.... By 2054 we had TIED The New York Yankees 27 world series titles record... And blew it out of the water many years later....By 2072 we were at the end of our massive record breaking 12 year long Dynasty where we won 12 straight Interstellar World Series's, a record which has NOT been broken by any other team to this day!!! In 2105 we would break this record in an even bigger dynasty that lasted 13 straight years of World Series Titles!!! In 2159 we had our biggest dynasty end, 21 years long!!!!...
Every dominant team sweeps inferior World Series Competitors, and we are no different. 17 out of our 185 series wins have been sweeps, which may not seem a lot, but compared to the mere 8 sweeps the new york Yankees have it's a giant increase!!!! We are more than 2 times as good as they were at sweeping our opponents!!! Even more Amazing, the Conquerors have thrown 485 no hitters in Interstellar World series history, a massive feat, FAR dwarfing the MERE 1 No hitter the Yankees have in World Series History!!! 90% of the no hitters were all thrown by Ace Bob Sciba!
Some of our world series victories are so special, they demand to be explained further!!!! In 2047 we would sweep the lowly Mars team to oblivion with 3 perfect games thrown in the series of 4 games! In 2054, 2089, and in 2100 we would loose the first 2 games of each world series, only to come back and win the the next 4 and the series in all three years! In 2188 we lost 3 of the first 4 then came back win 3 straight to win the series.
It's amazing what our franchise did in the 224 year mega dynasty it was given on ganymede, a feat no one will break, ever! Not even the miserable New York Yankees and their HGH filled 1990's world series!!!! We take pride in being the ONLY team to win hundreds of Interstellar world series's without cheating!!!! We never cheat!!! Not once!!!! Sure, the easy 30 game long schedule may seem like cheating, but we needed 2 weeks off between series's to fly to other planets to kick their asses in their own field!!! It's a different sport in outer space... The season, which starts in September and ends in December is only 5 months long, but there is only 12 games played per month due to the
flying time between planets, which was improved by the use of nuclear engine powered ships that
can take anyone from one end of the solar system to the other in days.... Is it dangerous to play baseball in space!!! Sure... But we can handle it. We're all cyborgs who can withstand the massive
radiation belt of Jupiter which would kill mere mortal players such as Mariano Rivera..... Could he
pitch in the Jupiter Dome!!! NOPE! We'd have to come to New York, and we heard it is a Dump! Sorry! (Not Really, the Sorry part, not the Dump Part!).. But is it fun to play baseball in space! hell yeah!!!!
Here is a great shot of a tiny portion of our awesome 185 interstellar world series titles!!!!
GO CONKS!!!!
